Saturday, August 4, 2012

Hi, I'm a legitimate media download service!

Hello.  My name is Panspotitunes, a legitimate download service.

I will only charge you ninety nine cents for the purchase of a single mp3 file, or several dollars for a movie!

Now, once a single person buys a file from me, there could literally be a hundred fifty million copies on the internet within five minutes.  But I don't want you to think about that.

Downloading one of those other copies is bad.  M'kay?

In fact, if I find out you did that, I will hunt you down.

I will go to any lengths to bribe government officials in countries all over the world to make sure you are prosecuted if you download that file from anyone else but me.

God help you if you're the one who shared it.  I will try my best to bankrupt you for the rest of your life.

I have used my influence in our culture to bamboozle the United States Congress into believing that preserving the business model I just outlined should be a key priority for our country.

I have successfully managed to get The Pirate Bay banned in their home country, Sweden, where file sharing is actually legal.  LOL can you believe it?  Oh my, it's fun to wield the power of the U.S.A. for such a noble purpose.

I've already successfully fooled Google into censoring their own search results, gotten a law passed that allows random people to censor the internet, and I'll take that censorship power as far as I can if you'll let me.

So gimme your money.

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